The Onion News Network

1. Immigration: The Human Cost

Air Date: 2007-03-27

7. The Real Obama

Air Date: 2011-03-04

A breaking news report reveals the president has been kidnapped. In the FactZone, Brooke Alvarez provides viewers with the latest news from around the world, except for the countries no one cares about.

24. How to Get a Guy To Notice You While You're Having Sex With Him

Air Date: 2011-04-12

1. Asteroid Heads to Earth

Air Date: 2011-10-04

An asteroid is about to destroy the Earth.

2. Millions Irrationally Feared Dead in Minor Train Accident

Air Date: 2011-07-13

After a small train derailment in Delaware, Americans all across the nation are senselessly fearing for their loved ones' lives.